And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have confused me with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven long years ago.

Regarding those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still attached, and I hoped it was just a coincidence that my sister had borrowed $50 from me that morning.

Despite all of this, I still loved you and felt we could make it work. So when I won the lottery for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home, you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason, I suppose. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer informed me that your letter guarantees you won’t receive a dime from me. So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I’m not sure if I ever mentioned this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not an issue!

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